Because you have offically sucked all creativity out of me. When I have written the same story over and over again. Wit the same opening and the SAME characters for five years.   When I follow your plot lines and your stores and when I try to add.....PLOT.....that one gets trashed for one of your other stories that had no beginning middle or end.

I am tired of writing the same thing. I am sick of being afraid if I tell you so, the five years of the stuff we write. The things I like we did will be gone. Like the last time you threw a fit. I still miss those stories, but they are gone.

And why the hell is it whom ever i do happen to write with, uses me just like you do? No matter what I end up writing the comforter for whatever they do. And because I write for everyone else I have time for my stuff. And the stuff I write is crap now. I go back and read the stories I was working on by myself and I just cry. They were so much better than what I writing now. Not that anyone cares. I am beaten down.  I don't know if i could even write something to completion now.

Woe is Me

I think I get it now. I really do. It's me.  Yeah this is going to be a self pitting post because, there is really now where else to post it and I am pretty sure This will be a private blog.  I get it. My job it to be everyone's personal cheerleader. I am here to make sure everyone else feels good.

It's not the people that ignore me, except for when they have time for me, or need me to listen to Their life.  IT's not the people that hurt my feelings or basicly treat me like crap. IT's me because I let them.  It does not good to tell them. It really doesn't. They get mad or offended and then I get punished in some way.  Even those I thought would NEVER hurt me, did. Twice. My "friends" don't care about my thoughts. Unless it is about what they want me to say.

I never asked for thing the things i got.  They were all volunteered, and yet I  feel bad because they were sent to me. I didn't ask for them and I am sorry I had a rough patch.  Well I hope it "feels right" now, But I will take care of that debt soon enough. I don't want that exchange handing over my head anymore. But I will not be sharing anything of importance with anyone anymore. Because you all just don't care. It's okay, after all this time. I am used to it. I will cheer you on your endevors. I will write your stories and I will stop expecting you to treat me any other way they you are. No more reaching out.

I said it once to one person. "Just know that they are assholes. So when they are you won't be surprised. "